The news filtered through the regular channels until it reached the medical
facility where she was still being held captive. Jeffrey Spender: dead. Killed by a
gunshot to the head. Her guess was that cigarette smoking bastard, Jeffrey’s
father, the man who was keeping her trapped in the Consortium research lab.
There were no more aliens, not the ones that wanted to take over the world. She
knew that, ever since the news that the Syndicate members and their associates
were burned at an Air Force Base.
But why were they keeping her there? If they didn’t need her for their vaccine
experiments anymore, why keep her locked away. And alone. None of the guards
would touch her, not when they saw what had become of her. Thinner than ever
from the tests, and her once-fine blonde hair now clinging to her face in twisted
strands. Her skin took on a whitish hue and when she walked, every body part
shook. The tests had taken away what made her a woman and left her nothing in
return. She wasn’t even cured of the ailments of the black oil virus. Just slowed
down, awaiting death, which she knew would never come.
In her room she sits, alone, with two guards posted outside her door to make
sure she stays where she belongs. Away from the mainstream world, away from
civilization, away from any form of human contact. It was so lonely, so very lonely,
and she didn’t know how much longer she could stand it. Burying her face in her
hands, she didn’t stop the tears that ran from her eyes. So long since anyone had
touched her without disgust. Jeffery had been the first since she was infected. And
when she saw that look in Alex’s eyes. . .
Alex didn’t even want to rescue her. No matter how she betrayed him, it was for
their own good. And he knew it! The bastard that she found herself wanting
couldn’t stand the sight of her. That had hurt her more than anything, more than
the tests, more than the pain. The look in his eyes when he saw what had become
of her: disgust and amusement. Glad to see that the betraying one got what she
deserved. Made her sick to her stomach.
If anything, it should have been him on the testing table instead of her. But
somehow, somebody had a place in their heart for that double-crossing son of a
bitch, which made her even more angry. With all the things that he had done, she
would have guessed he’d be first on the operating table. Must have a soft spot in
the Consortium for assassins with one arm.
A noise at the door made her quick to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Her guess
was that it was a guard coming in to give her the next meal. A familiar leather
jacket slipped inside, and the door was closed and locked.
“Alex?” Her voice betrayed her excitement and fear, a little too high. She
remained sitting on the table, not trusting herself to move. No matter how many
times he hurt her, she found that she could not stop her feelings. It was love. Not
the first time in her life, but certainly the last.
He didn’t speak at first. Just stared at her with those amazing green eyes, a
cross between horror and amusement on his face. She knew it was too good to be
true when it came to him; somehow, the gods always had it in for her. Yet he
crossed to her and ran his non-hand down her hair.
That’s when her face crumpled. Tears began again, and her head fell. “Oh,
Alex.” His stroking continued, although she didn’t look at him again. Didn’t want
to see the disgust or whatever it was that he felt, plastered on his face. Just wanted
to feel how he touched her, real or not real.
“Got what I deserved, huh?” Said low and broken, from the lodged mucus and
hitched breathing.
“It’s over, Marita. Everything is over.”
She marveled at how he could keep his voice so seductive, even when comforting
a person she knew he hated. Had to hate. If not hate, then she simply made him
nauseous every time he was around. It was enough to make her cry harder.
“I know,” she managed, letting foolish hands take the fingers of the prosthetic
and squeeze. She knew he couldn’t feel it.
“I’m sorry.”
That’s when she looked up, and wiped her face with the back of her arm.
“Sorry? You left me here. You don’t care about me, Alex.” But even though the
words fell from her mouth, she didn’t want to believe them. Wanted to think that
he came back for her, that he loved her as well. Didn’t let go of his plastic hand.
He didn’t pull away. Instead, he took a seat beside her on the table. Let his real
hand, uncovered by leather, run down the contours of her face. She closed her eyes,
relaxing in the touch. Softly, she kissed the ball of his hand.
“You betrayed me,” he said, but the words lacked anger.
“I was helping you, Alex. I was bringing the boy to Mulder. I wanted to stop
this, stop the invasion, but the black oil got under my skin. Then your friends used
me for a lab rat.” She leaned against his shoulder, biting her lower lip to keep the
tears from overflowing again. It felt so good to be against him like this. He smelled
of sweat and leather, and a little bit of cigarette smoke. She wondered if his breath
would taste of Morley’s.
“I. . .don’t know what else to do.”
She almost laughed. “Take me with you.”
His body tensed against hers. She understood: that wasn’t an option.
“I can’t.”
If he didn’t want her anymore she didn’t want to be alive. Not here in this
hellhole with guards and pain and more experiments now that there was no more
black oil to worry about. What else would they do to her? She didn’t want to find
out. Careful, she removed Alex’s gun from the waist of his jeans and placed it in his
hand. “Then you know what to do.”
“Marita. . .”
She pressed a finger to his lips with one hand and let the other drift from
prosthetic to real to emphasize her point. Finally, she met his eyes. Instead of the
anger or disgust she saw from before, the emeralds were filled with a deep concern.
Perhaps he still had feelings for her as well. But this would not be the time to
explore.
His hand closed around the gun and brought it towards her forehead. It was
time. Her time was over. There was no more to live for, and this is how she wanted
to go: by the hands of her love. She closed her eyes. Peace had settled around her
and inside her. Soon, there would be no more pain.
Soft lips touched her own, making her eyes fill with tears again. A good-bye
kiss. Opening her eyes, she could see how Alex had changed his gaze to one of
concern and concentration. One pull and it would be done.
“I love you, Alex.” The steel, warmed from Alex’s body heat, pressed to her
forehead again. She hadn’t even noticed he removed it to kiss her.
After watching him debate whether or not to speak, he said, “I love you too.”
A smile crossed her lips. Even if he didn’t mean it, it sounded like he did. She
always could tell when Alex lied to her. But it made her feel good to hear him say
it, knowing that he was only saying it for her. The cock of the gun made her close
her eyes. Good-bye, Alex, I will always love you. That was the last thought before a
loud bang brought her into eternal peace and darkness.
***
Alex Krycek stared down at the body of his former lover, the only woman who
ever betrayed him, sprawled half on the examining table, with her feet dangling off.
He lifted her hand and kissed it, then rested it against her still heart. He rose,
placed the gun back in the waist of his jeans, and left the room. A nod to the guard
gave nothing away, of the death of the suffering woman trapped inside.
FIN
2/18/99