Asylum

by Strausser

The doctors hadn’t let her see him for weeks. When they finally let her in, she was almost angry, but she knew she’d better calm down before entering the room. Mulder had suffered some kind of breakdown, she didn’t know how bad, and now would be the first time she saw him. She plastered a genuine smile on her lips, and entered the padded, white room.

Fox’s eyes lit up as soon as he saw her. “Dana,” he began, standing to greet her. “You came to see me.”

“Of course I did. Why wouldn’t I?”

He wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed hard. She embraced him as well. Then he pulled her down to the floor with him. Kissing her hard on the lips, he said, “I’m so happy you came. I missed you, Dana.”

“I missed you too.” It broke her heart to see him like this, almost childlike in expression and mannerisms. Her partner and best friend reduced from an intelligent man to, this.

He put his hand across her shoulders and rested his head against her chest. “I love you, Dana.”

“I love you too.” She wanted to cry, but she had to be strong, for his sake.

“They’re real nice to me here. They let me watch all sorts of t.v. and they give me lots of good stuff to eat.” He paused, to look up at her. “Do you get good stuff to eat, Dana.”

She stifled a sob. “Yes.” Her voice almost cracked, but she kept it in check.

“And they let me play as many games as I want. Do you want to play a game? I think they’d let, cause it’s you. They know I missed you. I think they’d let us play a game.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. “Sure. I’ll play a game with you.”

He thought for a moment. “How bout a game I made up?”

“Okay, how do you play?”

“Um, it’s like twenty questions, only we just ask each other stuff. And you gotta be truthful or you’re out.”

She giggled sadly. “Okay, you first.”

“Okay. I’ll start with somethin’ easy. What’s your name?”

“Dana Scully.”

“Okay, now you.”

“How old are you?”

Fox had to think for a minute. “That’s easy. I’m thirty. . .six?”

“You’re thirty-eight.”

He pouted, lower lip trembling. “Does that mean I’m out?”
“Of course not. There’s a rule that says if you made up the game, you are never out.”

Fox smiled. “Oh, okay. My turn. When are you coming to visit me again?”

Scully bit her lip. “I’ll come tomorrow if you want.”

“Yeah. That would be nice.” He kissed her on the cheek. “I love you, Dana. That’s why you’re my best friend.”

She couldn’t hold back any longer. Tears just came pouring out of her eyes.

Fox saw her tears and became distressed. He moved away from her and put his hands on his head. “No, no don’t cry, Dana. ‘S my fault. Fox is bad. Fox made you cry.” He began to cry himself. “Sorry, Dana. Fox is bad. Shouldn’t hurt you like that. Won’t love me anymore. Sorry.” He propped himself on his knees and began to sob.

“No. It’s not your fault. I’ll always love you.” But she couldn’t stop the tears.

He crawled to her and held her tight and put his head on her shoulder. “Sorrysorrysorry. So sorry, Dana.” His nose was running and the tears were falling on her sweater. “Won’t make you cry again, promise. Please come back tomorrow. I’m sorry.”

Dana held him as close as she could. “It’s okay, Fox. It’s not your fault.”

But she already knew that her words weren’t getting to him. He continued to cry and blame himself for her tears. They sat like that forever until an orderly came in to tell her visiting hours were over.

She kissed him on the head over and over again, and reassured him that she would be back.

“Okay, Dana. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And when she left she let the sobs escape freely. All for Fox. Always for Fox.

Alex Krycek couldn’t believe what he had heard. Mulder in a mental institution. He got special permission to see his former partner from the head of the facility. Entering the room, he found Mulder to be sitting quietly in the corner, talking to himself. Fox turned around when he heard the door close. His eyes lit up, just as they had when Dana came. He rose and stepped to Alex, but did not embrace him. Wasn’t sure if he was allowed.

“Alex, you came to visit me too.” He smiled brightly.

To Alex, this was a shock. He half expected Mulder to pounce on him and start throwing fists, but this Mulder seemed to be glad he was there. He shrugged and decided to go with it. “Of course I did.”

Fox lowered his head. “That’s what Dana said, but I don’t think she’ll be back.”

“Why do you say that?”

Fox chewed on his lower lip. “I made her cry.” He looked into Alex’s eyes, hurt hazel to green. “You better leave too, before I make you cry.”

Alex smiled. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” Fox fell to the floor. “But I make everybody cry. Dana, my mommie, the other patients, even my boss started to cry when he saw me.”

“Skinner?”

“Yeah. He cried so hard that I couldn’t even look at him.” He hit himself across the side of the head. “So bad, Fox. So stupid and so bad.”

At first Alex seemed almost overjoyed from what he was hearing. Big, tough men like Skinner never cry. But then he saw Mulder smack himself, and he understood. He knelt down beside Mulder. “Don’t do that.”

“Sorry, Alex. Didn’t mean to.” He suddenly became very animated, clutching at Alex’s jacket. “You won’t tell, will you? I’m sorry. Please don’t tell. Won’t do it again, promise.” His body was overcome by trembles, and tears started to fall from his wide eyes.

He touched Mulder’s head, running his hand down the back of his hair. “I won’t tell. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Fox smiled at that. “Stick a needle in your eye?”

“Yeah.”

Fox pounced on him, holding him tight around the chest and kissing him frantically on the cheek. “You’re so good to me, Alex. I love you so much.”

That was even more of a shock. When did Mulder think he was? Since when did Alex Krycek become such an important part of his life?

“I love you too, Mulder,” were the only words he could think of.

“Fox. Call me Fox.”

Alex had to fight against the oncoming tears. Mulder - Fox - was right; he does make everyone cry. “Okay, Fox.”

“Good.” He paused. “Now I think you have to go.”

“I don’t have to go anywhere. I could stay with you all night if you wanted.”

“Really?” Fox’s eyes lit up like Times Square. “Would you do that for me?”

“Sure. Anything for you, Fox.”

He laughed. “I like it when you say my name. Like it when Dana says my name too.” Glared angrily at the door. “Don’t like it when they say my name.”

“Don’t worry,” Alex reassured, stroking Fox’s hair. “They won’t bother you for the rest of the night.

Fox let his head rest on Alex’s shoulder. “Thank you, Alex.” He yawned. “I’m going to sleep.” And that was the last thing he said.

Only one tear escaped his eye, but he waited until Fox was asleep to let it fall. Then he closed his eyes and drifted off into his own slumber.

Dana arrived at the hospital first thing in the morning. She was more than surprised to find her partner and best friend curled up against none other than their worst enemy. Well, maybe not their worst, but Krycek certainly had his bad points. She wished vainly that she had been allowed her gun. Krycek would have one. She just hoped he wouldn’t use it.

“What are you doing here, Krycek?” she asked angrily when the two men awoke.

Fox’s face lit up again, as he moved to hug her. Her angry face stopped him.

“I was curious, so sue me. But now that I’m here, I don’t think I’m leaving.”

Dana got in his face. “You think this is funny? Seeing him like this? Some kinda sick joke?”

“Back off, Scully.”

Fox moved between the two. “No! No fighting. Dana, Alex is my friend.”

“Mulder, do you remember what he’s done?”

Fox shook his head. “It doesn’t matter anymore. And my name is Fox.” He touched her hands. “Alex is my friend. You are my best friend, but he is still my friend. Please don’t fight. I love you, Dana.”

She was glad for the little bit of anger she still felt, for without it, she would certainly be in tears. “All right, Fox. I won’t fight with him. And I love you, too.”

He hugged her tight and kissed her lips. “Thank you, Dana.”

The door to the room opened and an orderly popped his head in. “C’mon, Fox. Time to go play with the others.”

Fox took Dana’s hand and Alex’s, and led them from the room., down the corridor, into a white-walled recreation room. At least fifteen other patients occupied the room, some watching the small television bolted to the wall, two playing checkers, others playing games and some just sitting. Many were talking, whether to others or to themselves. Lost in her own thoughts, Dana was brought back when Fox squeezed her hand.

“I’ll be right back.” He walked to the corner of the room, where a twenty-something man sat with his face to the wall. Both Dana and Alex followed, standing close enough to hear, but leaving space.

Fox touched the younger man’s shoulder. “How are you doing today, Tim?”

Tim did not even turn his head. “Go away, Fox. Don’t wanna be bothered by you today.”

Fox smiled sadly. “Okay, but I just thought you looked lonely. Thought you might need a friend.”

“Don’t have any friends,” Tim’s voice was low, soft.

Fox hugged him. “You have me and I’m your friend.”

The young man began to tremble. “Why do you always hafta do that?” He started to cry. “Why can’t you leave me alone?”

Fox stood. “I’m sorry, Tim.”

“And you’ll do it again tomorrow.”

“No. I won’t bother you anymore.” Fox lowered his head and retreated to Dana and Alex. “Sorry,” he whispered, to nobody in particular. Dana took his hand.

“It’s okay, Fox. You didn’t mean anything.”

Fox moved away from her, to sit by himself at the other end of the room. A loud smack came from where he sat. Alex knew what it was.

“Stupid Fox. You are so bad.” Fox hit himself again in the head. “Hafta cause everyone pain. Can’t leave anyone alone.”

Both Dana and Alex rushed to him, flanking him on either side. They knelt, Dana rubbing his shoulders. “Shh, Fox, shh. It’s not your fault.” She bit down on her lip to keep from crying again. Had to be strong for Fox. Had to. But she couldn’t bear to see him like that. Didn’t want to watch him smack himself. Just wanted him to be happy, and back to his usual, sarcastic, bitter self. In Alex’s eyes, she could see the same hope.

The door to the rec room opened. A man wearing a sleek white suit stood in the doorway. His eyes were sunken in, but his smile emitted volumes of warmth. “Fox,” he called. “Time for therapy.”

Fox began to shake. He didn’t want to leave Dana and Alex. He grabbed both of their hands. “I’ve got to go.” Kissing each of them on the cheek, he said, “I love you both,” then rose and walked to the door.

They followed him until the man at the door put up a hand. “I’m sorry, but you can’t come with him. You can visit him tomorrow.” And he put an arm around Fox’s shoulders, and led him from the room.

Silence fell between them. “C’mon, Dana. I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”

The man, who’s name was Dr. Anderson, led Fox to his therapy room. The room was just a plain, metal room, completely bare except for the pair of manacles that hung from the ceiling. Fox was trembling, as he usually did when the doctor called him in.
“Fox, you know what to do.” The doctors voice was angry, yet calm.

“Please, please don’t. I’ll be good. Promise. I’m sorry. Didn’t mean it. Swear to God.” That earned him a slap in the face.

“Don’t swear to God when you can’t keep it. Now, Fox, you know what to do.”

Slowly, deliberately slow, Fox removed his shirt. The faint tell-tale signs of his last therapy session were all over his back, running criss-crossed, almost like a carefully planned picture. He raised his arms to the manacles, letting the doctor cuff his wrists. Scared, always scared when this time came. Wanted to be brave and hold his breath and wait, but couldn’t. Only wished for Dana and Alex, and was glad they would come see him to make him feel better. He was loved; he knew that. Even as the doctor twisted the leather strap around his own hand.

“You made Tim cry again, Fox. Why did you do that?”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to.”

The leather came across his bare shoulders with a loud crack. Fox jumped in the chains and screamed. The pain was coming back to him.

“Why are you so bad, Fox? Why can’t you be good like the others?”

“Can be good, promise. Can be good.” Another shock of pain across the shoulders. The leather was tearing his skin; he could feel it. It reminded him of when he was young and his father would use a similar leather on his bare behind. ‘Too old for that,’ Dr. Anderson had said. That’s why his strap snapped the skin of his back. That’s a punishment fit for an adult.

Fox didn’t feel like much of an adult. Screaming and crying in pain, apologizing for his misbehavior. ‘Stupid, Fox. You deserve it. Make everyone cry. Put everyone through pain. Bad Fox. Take it like a man. Badbadbadbadbad.’ The leather marked up his skin again, turning the pale white crimson with deep welts and black and blue marks. It didn’t stop until he felt that old black haze running across his eyes, and the overwhelming spasms that filled his nerves.
“Will you be good, Fox?”

“Yes, yes, yes. Promise. Be good. Promise.”

Dr. Anderson unshackled his wrists, sending him crumpling to the ground in a heap.

“Now I’m taking you to your room, and I will check on you every day.”

Still trembling, Fox managed to nod his head. He curled up into himself, hiding his head in his arms. The only thing he wanted, more than anything, were Dana and Alex.

Dr. Anderson’s hands went to his head. “Let’s go.” Slowly, carefully, the doctor lifted Fox and ushered him back to the padded, white room.

Every day, Dr. Anderson would go to Fox to check on the marks. Fox knew the routine: he would remove his shirt, kneel facing the wall and press his palms against the padding. Any failure to do so, as soon as the door began opening, would result in another dose. Fox trained himself to awaken from sleep when the door opened. And it did, once every day.

At first, the doctor’s light touches would send shooting pain across his back, but as the days past, the pain lessened. When the light touches stopped hurting, the doctor would pinch the scars. He wanted to make sure Fox felt no more pain before he let Fox from the room. Fox realized that was why the doctor checked on him every day. Once, he had grit his teeth and lied about the pain. The doctor believed him and let him back into population. The lie came out when another patient hugged him, sending shooting pain all over his back. Fox screamed, which alerted Dr. Anderson to something wrong. Upon investigation, the doctor found out Fox had lied about the pain, and gave a deserved punishment. Another lashing, this time not ending until Fox passed out.

And all the while, Dr. Anderson shouted about how he could have lost his job and how nobody can know what goes on in the room. And how bad Fox was and how much he deserved the strap. That was what Fox remembered. The pain and the terrible words. Nowhere in his formerly intelligent mind did he realize that what the doctor was doing to him was illegal and wrong. Mulder would have known, but Fox had no idea.

So Fox never lies, to anyone. He did not want to go through an unneeded lesson on how bad and wrong it is to lie. That would make Dana and Alex hate him, although that thought was already bubbling in his mind. They had not come to see him since he went to therapy. They did not love him anymore.

Fox cried hysterically at night when the lights went out and there was no Dana and no Alex. He missed them; every thought in his head consisted of them. They were his rock, his redemption, his safe place. And they did not come.

‘Don’t love me. Bad. Want to stay away from me, cause Im so bad. They cant stand me, cant stand to look at me, to see what I've become. To see that their friend is worthless, nothing, shameful, guilty, bad, wrong, terrible, horrible, worst person in the world. I miss them so much. ‘m sorry. So sorry.’

Finally the day came when he felt no pain, not from the light touches, not from the pinches.

“Feels okay,” he said to Dr. Anderson.

The doctor pinched the skin hard. “Are you sure, Fox? Or are you lying to me again?”

“No lie, promise. Feels okay. Not lying.”

The doctor let go of the skin he was turning white. “Okay. You have to stay here today, but tomorrow I have a surprise for you.”

Fox’s eyes lit up. “A surprise? A good surprise?”

“The best surprise.” And with that, the doctor left.

Fox rocked back and forth with anticipation. There was only one thing he wanted more than anything in the world: Dana and Alex. And only that would be the “best surprise.”

He sat in his room, eating when the men in white brought him plates of food, rocking back and forth and continuously telling himself that it will be okay tomorrow, cause Dana and Alex would come. When the lights finally turned off, he began to panic. What if the surprise was not Dana and Alex? What would he do then? What if they did not want to see him? Tears streamed down his cheeks, not allowing him to fall asleep. Just wait till tomorrow, then the truth will come. But the new day frightened him more than anything. Just wait, calm, wait, Fox. Dana and Alex do love you and they will come to see you. Wait. Just wait.

That was the hardest night that he could ever remember.

The next day, as the light flipped back on and the sun shone through the small, barred window, Dana and Alex did enter the cell.

Dana had been furious at her inability to see her former partner and best friend, and even Alex screamed at the facilitator of the hospital because they were denied access. The owner shrugged and said it was out of his jurisdiction. That gained him glares and a cursed threat from Alex.

Fox smiled brightly when he saw them enter. His eyes were red and crusted from crying all night, but he didn’t care. The two most important people were visiting him, and that made him so happy. He swallowed down the tears that wanted to run their course, and stood to hug his friends. Kissing them both on the cheek, he said, “I’ve missed you so much.”

Dana took his hand. “We’ve missed you too, Fox.”

Alex smiled at him and ruffed his hair. “So why weren’t we allowed to visit you?”

Fox lowered his head. “Don’t know. But I missed you so much. Thought you’d never come back.”

Dana ran her hand down his smooth hair. “We would never leave you.”

Fox smiled. “Kay.”

Alex and Dana exchanged looks of concern. Fox was moving downhill, both recognized that. During the days they were not able to visit, they had met and talked over many meals, mostly about their mutual friend. They wondered if he would ever regain his normalcy, and return to the way he used to be. Seeing him now, all their hopes were quenched, making them believe that Fox Mulder was so far off the deep end that no amount of rope would bring him back.

“So how’s work, Dana?” Fox asked, interrupting her thoughts.

“Good.”

“Any new cases?”

“Yeah. Just some odds and ends about alien spaceships and little green men.”

Fox’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Ooh, sounds like so much fun.” He pulled her down to the ground. “Please, tell me more.”

She smiled, but inwardly she sighed. It was a lie, all of it, from telling him about the beautiful gray ships that roamed over the J. Edgar Hoover building to the discussion on politics she had with one of the alien men. She only told him those things to make him feel better, and because her life was not as interesting. Since his breakdown, she had quit the X-Files, taking up a meaningless job as a doctor in a small clinic in downtown Washington DC. Her life was completely boring: no love life, no friends, only her mother to really talk to. She thought about telling Fox about her talks with Alex, but those would have to wait. Her feelings for Alex Krycek weren’t very certain. Like was too strong of a word, but she found that she had respect for the man. Who knew? Maybe sometime soon they would become friends, maybe more. For right now, she contented herself with fabricated stories she made up just for her friend.

When she was done, without a moments hesitation, Fox turned to Alex, who had taken a seat beside Dana. “And how is your job?"

“I’m not working right now.”

“How come?”

“Um, I’m waiting for a call. Supposed to get a job working for a big company. Field work. Lots a traveling.”

Fox smile shined. “But you’ll still visit me, right?”

“Of course, Fox. I’ll never stop coming to see you.”

Fox yawned, the tiredness overtaking his body. He put his head down in Dana’s lap, taking up one hand of each friend. Closing his eyes, he felt the warmth of their skin and the slowness of their breathing.

Alex stared down at Fox. Poor, delusional thing, all wrapped up in his own world. It took everything he had in him to keep from crying at the sight. At least Dana was a comfort. He had found something genuine, that he couldn’t quite put his finger on in Dana Scully. She wasn’t at all the woman that he disliked when he worked with Mulder. Her coldness ebbed after they had seen each other in the mental institution, leaving her very upset but also very warm. They had shared many nights together at dinner, discussing not only Fox, but many other things as well. He found that he liked her, a great deal, and hoped one day she would return his feelings. Some strange voice in his head told him that they could be lovers, and even grow to be in love, maybe even get married and pop out a couple of kids (although he knew she could not have children; she had told him as much). Her beauty was mesmerizing, and he found it hard to believe that Mulder never made a play for her when they were partners. But they were better as friends than lovers. He knew that.

Hurt green eyes met with her tearful blue. Without words, they knew what the other was thinking. That their friend did not deserve this, nor could they bear to see him like this.

“C’mon, Dana. I think we should let him sleep,” he whispered. Dana looked down at the sleeping man in her lap. It broke her heart that she could not just let him stay there, but she knew she had to leave. Fox needed rest; their presence would only hinder his recovery.

Just then, Fox awoke. He yawned, and noticed the tears in their eyes. “ ‘M sorry. Musta fallen asleep. Are you gonna leave now?”

“Not unless you want us to stay,” Dana said.

Fox looked at her, then looked at Alex, then back at her. He could see that they wanted to stay, and that they loved him, but he did not want to keep them their when they could be doing their jobs, or talking together. The look of concern and care was very apparent between them. “No. You can go.” He rose, followed by them. They stepped in front of him to the door. “Dana.”

She turned to him.

“Are you sure, Fox?” Alex asked.

“Yeah. I’ll be okay here, don’t have to worry about me.”

Dana smiled sadly. “Okay, Fox.” She kissed him on the lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Dana.”

She stepped aside to let Alex wrap his arms around Fox. He softly kissed Fox’s cheek.

“I love you, Alex.”

“I love you too.”

And they left, the door closing behind them.

In truth, Fox wanted them to visit at every first of the months because of his therapy, and it wasn’t fair to them to have to wait until he healed. Although he could not tell them what Dr. Anderson did to him, because that would violate the principle of the punishment, he could make them happy by giving himself a full month to heal from the wounds, and they wouldn’t be the wiser. The doctor would be pleased with what he had done, maybe so pleased that he would forgo therapy for a while. And he knew Dana and Alex loved him, because they had agreed.

As the quiet of the room slipped into his ears, he laid down on the floor. Eyes closed, he quickly drifted off into the needed slumber, telling himself that he was good, and that he was loved, and that everything was going to be okay.

After Fox told Dr. Anderson what he asked of Dana and Alex, the doctor increased the therapy. Now, instead of spacing out the therapeutic beatings, he would keep to a tight schedule of once a day for the first two and a half weeks, then leaving the rest of the month for him to recover and feel no more pain, except in October, which he was beaten for the first couple of days, then rested, then beat again after his birthday. What an inconvenience, the doctor had said, to have your birthday on the thirteenth.

And the infractions were the worst. Almost always made up and ridiculous, but Fox believed them anyway, even if he knew, knew, knew that he did not do anything wrong. When the doctor told him that he was bad, Fox believed him, every day. And the doctor would give him a second dose along with the original if he did anything else bad. Some days, Fox would pass out from the extensive pain, others he would just barely hang on. But every time he said he deserved it for being bad and making others cry and hitting himself and other sorts of bad things. The scars on his back and legs were getting deeper, having been opened over and over again. But Dana and Alex never noticed, because Fox was always bright eyed and overjoyed to see them.

Dana’s and Alex’s relationship changed over the months as well. After a time, Fox noticed that they walked holding hands, as lovers would. He wondered if they were together. That would make him so happy, to see his two best friends in love. But no matter how in love Dana and Alex were, they never stopped paying attention to Fox and telling him they loved him and kissing his lips and his cheeks. That also didn’t stop them from hugging and kissing each other, to which Fox squealed his delight. Soon, everyone was very comfortable in the company of one another, and Fox was able to see the love in his friends’ eyes, not only for him, but for each other.

When Dana came to see him in April, alone, Fox became scared.

“Where’s Alex?”

“Don’t worry, Fox, he is fine. He just couldn’t make it today. Doing a lot for the wedding.” She smiled.

Fox’s eyes filled with tears, which quickly slid down his cheeks. “Oh, Dana, really? Do you mean it?”

Dana’s eyes filled with tears as well. She held out her left hand, displaying the beautiful diamond encased in a gold ring around her finger. “Yes. We’re getting married in May.”

Fox stole her hand up and stared at the ring. It was so big and beautiful and shimmered under the light. Beautiful like Dana, beautiful like Alex, beautiful like their love. “I am so happy, Dana.”

He pulled her into a tight hug.

“That’s not the best part,” she said. He let go.

“What’s the best part?”

“You can come to the wedding. I’ve already spoken to the director of this hospital, and he has agreed that, under supervision, you can be at the wedding.” Her voice lowered to a sly whisper. “Alex wants you to be the best man.”

Fox began to cry harder. He was so happy, he didn’t know how to contain it. Dana didn’t seem to mind. “Oh, Dana, I am the luckiest man in the whole world.” He hugged her again, running his hand through her red hair. “I love you so much. And Alex too. You are both so lucky and I’m so happy for you.”

Using the hand without the engagement ring, Dana wiped the tears from Fox’s cheeks. She kissed him. “I’m happy too, Fox. I’m happy too.”

The wedding was to be on the first of May. Everything was ready, and a white suit was delivered to Fox in preparation for the ceremony. Dr. Anderson laughed at him, telling him he looked like a fool, but Fox didn’t care. He was going to be best man at his best friends’ wedding. It was going to be the most wonderful day in his whole life.

The night before the wedding, Fox couldn’t sleep. He paced his padded cell, thinking of something to say at the reception. He knew the best man had to make a speech, but he couldn’t come up with any big words to use. The only things that he could think of saying sounded so babyish, the words of a child. He knew that Alex and Dana would understand, but he hoped that the other guests would understand too.

‘I’m not as smart as I used to be, but I am still smart enough to know that this wedding is the most perfect thing in the whole world.’ Yeah. Sounded like a little kid. He sighed hard in frustration and chewed on his lower lip. ‘S okay,’ he tried to tell himself. ‘Everyone will understand.’

The door to his cell startled him, making him jump. Dr. Anderson stood at the entrance, leaning against the doorway. He motioned Fox towards him. “C’mere.”

Frightened, Fox stepped slowly towards the doctor. When he was inches away, he could smell the rancid liquor on the doctor’s breath. It made him wrinkle his nose.

“Folla me.” The doctor began to walk, an all-too-familiar route, with Fox at his heels. They made their way to the therapy room.

Fox was trembling beyond his control once they reached the door. He couldn’t go in, not now, not tonight, what did he do tonight?

He didn’t remember doing anything wrong, but if Dr. Anderson was bringing him to the therapy room the day before he was going to a wedding, then he must have done something really really bad. A hand on his back told him to move. His feet were stuck to the ground. “I’m sorry, doctor. Promise I won’t do it again. Don’t hit me. Please.”

“Shaddup, Fox. Get the fuck ‘n there ‘for I throw you ‘n.” His speech was slurred heavily from the alcohol, making him seem more vile than Fox ever thought. He hated Dr. Anderson, but only because he was the one who punished him. If it was any other doctor, he knew he’d hate them too. Fox obeyed, moving lethargically slow. He knew the drill, removed his shirt and raised his arms, which were quickly clicked into the manacles. The entire length of his body shivered, fear taking over and making his knees weak. ‘Why’d ya have to be so bad before the wedding? Why couldn’t you have waited until after? So bad, Fox. Must be so bad, must deserve this. Doctor wouldn’t hit you if you didn’t deserve it.’ His mind was reeling. The day before the happiest day of his life, and he was being punished. He knew this wasn’t therapy; this was because he did something wrong, something bad, something that deserved this. Closing his eyes and clamping his teeth, he waited for the sharp sharp knife pain to arrive.

Dr. Anderson did something unexpected. He pulled Fox’s pants down to his ankles, exposing his buttocks and legs. Fox knew then that this would hurt worse than any other time. More area was going to be covered.

“Lissen, Fox. You’ve been so, so bad this whole week. You deserve mush more than this, but this will hafta do.” The leather strap tightened around his fist. “Now I wan’ ya to count eash lash. Wanna hear you say numbers. And if you fuck it, I’mna start all over.”

Fox tried to breath steady, but his stomach turned somersaults. He knew he must have done something awful to be getting punished the way he was. Never had the doctor strapped him below the waist. And never had he been told to count off. Fox thought he must have done something equivalent to killing someone, to deserve such extreme punishment. And the day before the wedding just kept running thorough his head. The first lash hit him hard, across the thighs, forcing a scream through his lips.

“One!”

The second lash ripped across his buttocks, leaving a stinging welt across both cheeks. Reminded Fox of his father’s belt, but knew this was much much worse.

“Two!”

The lash continued, running from his legs to his shoulders and back down again in a haze of red fire and white pain. Each lash produced the correct number, uttered from Fox’s trembling lips. Tears streaked down the lines of pain etched in his face, and he screamed as the strap pounded away on his skin. He could just imagine what Dana and Alex would say to him tomorrow at the wedding. Terrible, hate-filled words about how he ruined the wedding, how he ruins everything, how bad he is, how he deserved it, how they never want to see him again. Their words crashed into his mind, filling up all the areas where he felt the leather strap attack his skin. When the words cleared, he realized that the doctor was not hitting him anymore. “Are. . .are you, d-done?” he whispered, voice hoarse from screams.

“No. Just waitin for you to come back from the lan’ of the dead. Star’ again, Fox, this time, no fuggups.”

Fox wanted to smack himself. He had stopped counting, and now it was going to start again. So bad. Can’t ever be good. Day before the wedding, everyone’s gonna be so mad. He held back the pleas that tried to force their way past his lips, and set himself to say every number of every lash as it fell against his burning, hot, ripped skin.

The pain began again. “One!” And again. “Two!” Another. “Three!” And another. “Four!” Fire pain. “Five.” White heat. “Six.” Rusty claw. “Seven.” So bad. “Eight.” Everyone hates you. “Nine.” ‘Specially Dana and Alex. “Ten.” You’ve ruined their wedding. “Eleven.” Deserve this. “Twelve.” Day before the wedding. “Thirteen.” Everything, ruined. “Fourteen.” Your fault. “Fifteen.” Black haze. Couldn’t speak, even if he tried. Couldn’t scream anymore. Just hung limp, felt the stab and sting and fire of the terrible pain and wept. The doctor stopped once he didn’t hear a number.

“You stopt again, Fox.”

“C-can’t.” was all he could say.

“Kay. But thas twenty more for not bein able to count.”

“Please,” he managed, swaying in the manacles. His heels were off the ground and his arms strained. ‘Just let me down, please don’t hit me, I’ll be good, promise.’

“An twenty more for bein able to say ‘please’.”

Fox opened his mouth to say something, anything, to stop the doctor, but nothing came out. The swoosh of the leather followed by the crack against his skin bounced in his ears. The knife, hot pain stabbed his skin up and down again, sending the blackness to cover his eyes, drifting him to a painless slumber.
He awoke to find himself back in his cell, unable to move because of the shooting fire all over his skin. ‘That’s it, I did it. I ruined the wedding. Everyone’s gonna hate me forever. I’m so bad.’ Tears and aching sobs wracked his body, which burned each time he shivered. His fingers absently touched his back, causing him to wince and hiss and choke out a sob. Red blood came away from the back, staining his fingers.

Clear thoughts entered his mind, the pain having somehow taken away the clouds. This was the day of Dana and Alex’s wedding. They were getting married and Fox was the best man. He clenched his teeth, determined to stand up and go to the wedding. Standing was tough though, but he managed by breathing hard, crying continuously and telling himself that this was supposed to be the happiest day of his life. If he wasn’t at the wedding. . .he didn’t even want to think of that. Missing their wedding would be like ending his life. Dr. Anderson entered the room holding his hand to his temples and rubbing. He had a wonderful hangover that pounded all over his skull. Not moving all day was the number one on his list of priorities for today, but he had to get Fox ready for the wedding. When he saw Fox, and all the marks up and down his back, and all the thick lines of blood that lined the back of Fox’s pants, he knew what he could not remember from last night. There was no way this patient was going to any wedding, not in this condition. Not after what he went through the night before. Dr. Anderson panicked, before he realized what he had to do.

“Sit down, Fox, you are in no condition to. . .”

“Got to, doctor. Gotta wedding to go to.”

He made his way towards Fox. “You are not going to a wedding like that. Not after last night. Not after what you made me do.”

Fox held his ground. “Gotta go to the wedding, doctor. Dana and Alex. I’m the best man. Gotta go.”

“No.” The doctor moved slowly towards Fox, reaching him, and grabbing his arm. Fox struggled, but did not throw him off. Too weak from the night before.

“Yes. I am going, so let go of me.”

“Do you think you deserve to go to their wedding? After what you got last night? For being bad? You were bad, Fox. So bad. I don’t even think they would want you at their wedding, because of all the things you did.”

Fox wanted to slam his ears shut from the words. They wanted him there, they wanted him there, they wanted him there. But what if the doctor was right, and they were mad at him? ‘Always ruin everything.’ But he had to keep trying.

“No! I don’t care. I have to go to that wedding. You can’t stop me!” He struggled more, but the doctor’s grip was too strong.

“Yes, I can stop you. You are not going anywhere. I’m taking you down to the isolation cells where you can be alone. I’ll let you out when you are ready to behave.”

Fox couldn’t struggle anymore. The pain lancing up his arms because of the doctor’s pull distracted his thoughts. Through tears, he resorted to begging. “Please, Doctor Anderson, please let me go. I’ll be good, promise. Please let me go to Alex and Dana. Please.”

The doctor turned cold, vicious eyes on him. A heavy tremor ran down his spine. “You are going to follow me and listen to me and quit begging! You are going to isolation, so put that fucking wedding out of your mind!” Dr. Anderson’s hand held Fox’s arm in a death grip. God, he was angry.

All fight left. Fox had no reason to keep fighting. If the doctor said he didn’t deserve to go to the wedding, then he had to go to isolation. He wept silently, following the doctor to the basement of the hospital. Fortunately, Dr. Anderson was the only person on call, so nobody saw them traveling the halls.

The doctor angrily strapped Fox into a white straight jacket, tying the straps tight tight tight around the open wounds on his back.

Fox screamed, then fell to the ground of the cell. It was dark in the cell, no lights, but the walls were still padded. He curled into a fetal ball and continued to cry. ‘Just like a baby, Fox. You’re gonna be here for the rest of your life. Kiss Dana and Alex good-bye.’ Dr. Anderson’s voice was breathless, heated, furious. “Don’t move, don’t talk, don’t even think. If you’re good, I’ll let you out of here real soon.” And the door was slammed shut.

“Shit, that was close.” The pounding in the good doctor’s head drilled through his skull. “Fuck this. I need a nap.” Pushing all thoughts of his patient Fox Mulder from his mind, he made his way to the facilitator’s office, to take the day off.

Dana tried not to jump for joy. This was her wedding, *her* wedding. Even though she always thought she would be marrying. . .no, she wasn’t going to go there. This was the happiest day of her life. She was in love with Alex, up to her neck with love for him, and they were getting married. Her dress was long and luxurious and white, her hair long and redder than usual, a white veil on top. Almost made her look like a princess. All she had to wait for, to get the ceremony started, was her best friend, who should have been there at least a half hour ago. She paced the room, feeling her joy subside. Where was Fox? They said he would be there at ten, and it was already ten thirty-three. Nervously, she began to straighten the dress and play with her hair.

“Pre-wedding jitters?” her mother asked.

“No, mom. It’s Fox. He should have been here by now.”

Her mother knew all about Fox’s situation. “Maybe there was traffic.”

“No. I would have heard it on the news. I’m worried. What if something happened to him.”

Her mother smiled, calming her fears a bit. Mother’s warmth could do that. “I wouldn’t worry, Dana. I mean, what could have happened to him? He’s protected, in a safe environment. He’s not going to hurt himself, so you have nothing to fear.”
Dana sighed. “I know, mom. It’s just. . .he should be here.”

She touched her daughter’s shoulder. “Give him another half hour. If he’s not here by then, I’ll call the hospital and see what’s going on.”

Dana kissed her mother’s cheek. “Okay. Thanks, mom.”

Pain ran and ran and ran, up and down and up and down. Never-ending streaks of bright, white, red, blue, gold, purple, pretty, ugly, sweet, dangerous, brilliant, beautiful, terrifying, horrible pain. Curling up into himself didn’t help, nor did stretching his limbs. No matter what he did, he couldn’t escape the sparks that flew throughout his skin. He didn’t want to move, not ever. Not after what he did. Although, he couldn’t remember doing anything. Must have. Must have killed someone, must have hurt someone so badly they died. Must have hurt Dana and Alex. That was the only thing he could come up with that would merit such extreme punishment from the doctor. He had hurt his best friends; now he was paying for it with his screams and tears. And the tears, tears of a baby, tears of a pathetic nothing that deserved it, deserved it, deserved it, ran down his puffed cheeks as he lay on the cool floor. The jacket kept his arms tight against his body, the straps tightening with each shallow breath. And with every movement, even the slightest, brought the colors dancing in front of his eyes. Now the pain was all he had, and he almost relished it. In the dark, away from those he loved, who he thought loved him, was just his body and his pain. At least the pain was his. He could hold onto it and never let it go. Almost thanked Dr. Anderson for giving him something that would never leave. For giving him something he deserved for hurting Dana and Alex. Hurting Dana and Alex, who would be married by tomorrow. No best man. Just as well. Shouldn’t be best man anyway. Didn’t. . . His thoughts crumbled to nothing. Couldn’t think, didn’t want to. Just wanted to leave himself curled in a ball, facing the padded wall and cry and cry and cry until the tears could no longer be produced.

Eleven oh-three. “Mom, did you call?”

“I don’t understand it. The director said that Fox left hours ago.”

“He’s not in his room?”

“No. And his doctor, Dr. Anderson, left for the day.”

“What about the doctor who was supposed to escort Fox to the wedding?”

Her mother sighed. “He’s gone too.”

Dana stomped her foot. “That’s it. I’m going down there. My wedding is *not* going to be ruined because of some doctor’s fuck up.”

Realizing what she said, her cheeks turned scarlet. “Oh, sorry mom.”

Her mother just smiled. “It’s okay, Dana. You’re angry, and I know you are old enough to use those kinds of words.”

Dana smiled slightly. At any other time her mother would have yelled at her for using that kind of talk. But not now. Not today at her wedding when her best friend wasn’t there. Mothers were the best.

She raced out of the room she had been stuffed in, and towards where she knew Alex would be.

“Alex,” she said, almost out of breath. Her anger consumed her.

“Dana? I’m not supposed to see the bride before the wedding.” She grabbed his hand. “No time for that.” She pulled him to a corner. “I’m worried about Fox. He isn’t here, and everybody says he left hours ago. I want to go down to the hospital and see if he’s all right. I mean, I know there are a lot of people here, but my wedding wouldn’t be complete without him.”

Alex put his hands on her face. “Neither would mine.” They kissed, briefly, then headed for her car.

“Where the fuck is he?” Dana was furious. Her cheeks were red, almost matching her hair, a beautiful contrast to the white, flowing dress she wore, and the veil that stuck out and ran down her back.

The director of the hospital was twitching in his chair nervously. Both the icy blue and the deep green eyes bore into him.

“I don’t know, Ms. Scully. Like I said, he isn’t in his room, and both Dr. Anderson and the orderly who was going to travel with him are gone.”

“Is there anywhere else he could be?” Alex asked, coolly. He stepped up to the desk and leaned towards the director, a look of death in the eyes. The white suit looked almost angelic compared to his demonic face.

“Um. . .the lower cells. That’s the only place he could be if he’s not in his room and not on the road.”

Alex lifted slowly and stood beside his soon-to-be-wife. “Show us.”

They made their way down the staircase towards the lower cells. “What are these used for?” Dana asked.

“Primarily for those patients who need some time alone. In darkness, without visitors, without sound. Their cells are not soundproof; these are. Not many patients need these cells; they are not used very often. But when they are needed, they are at our disposal.” The director moved swiftly, checking every door. All of them were open, except for the last one. He opened the door slowly, shedding light on a figure huddled tightly against the wall, strapped in a jacket. Dana gasped and clutched Alex’s hand. “Is that, him?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you go in and check.”

They did not need any more encouragement. Dana stepped into the dark cell and crouched behind the huddled figure. “Fox?”

The figure shifted. “Go away,” it whispered.

She breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s him, Alex,” she said to her lover. Softly, her fingers went to his neck. “Fox, it’s Dana. Can you turn around for me?”

“Please go away. I’m sorry. Please, just leave me alone.” He curled in as tight as he could, pressing against the wall, away from Dana’s fingers.

She couldn’t understand. Every other time they had come to see him, he had been overcome with joy. Now, now he was telling her to go away. Something was wrong with this picture. “C’mon, sweetie. Look at me. Fox. We are here. Me and Alex, we are here for you.”

“No.” His voice was soft and thick from crying. She could hear the tremor in his voice. “My Dana and my Alex are getting married now.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Yes, yes we are. But not until you are there.”

Fox began to shake. This was some kind of trick. It was the doctor’s way of hurting him. Making him believe that Dana and Alex were really there. His stomach twisted over and over again, the gashes on his body throbbed with unending pain. He didn’t need hallucinations to burn him further. No Dana, no Alex. Not there. Not with him. Trick. Trick, Fox. “Go away. Leave me alone, please.” Dana pressed her hand against his back. Quickly, he jerked away, as if her touch burned him. “No! Stop! Don’t, please! I’ll be good, I promise, just, please, please. . .” His voice broke off into sobs.

Tears flowed from her blue eyes. What did she do? She sniffed in some mucus that was collecting in her nose and stood. Alex embraced her tightly. “It’s okay, Dana, sweetheart. He will be okay.” He was on the verge of tears himself.

She collected herself. “Let’s find out what we can do about him, and about postponing the wedding.”

“Okay.” His soft fingers brushed the tears from her face.

They met the director outside the door. “What can we do about him?” Dana asked.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him. Tomorrow, we will know tomorrow.”

Alex let his eyes wander down the length of his beautiful bride. They widened when they caught the deep crimson color at the hem of the dress. “Dana.”

She looked at him, saw how his eyes were wide with fear and terror. He pointed to the bottom of her dress, and she saw what he did. Red. Blood. Along the bottom. From Fox. Fox’s blood. Her eyes grew angry, red rage filling the ice blue. The dress was lifted for the director to see. “What the hell is this?”
The director backed away a few inches. “I don’t know.”
Alex turned and went back into the cell. Dropping to his knees behind Fox, he pressed his hand hard against the jacketed back. Fox screamed.

“I’m sorry, please. I’ll be good. Don’t hurt me, please. Fox’ll be good, promise, swear. . .” He couldn’t control his trembling. “Don’t hurt me.” His voice was childlike, soft and quiet.

Alex unstrapped the jacket and pulled it open. Gasped at what he saw. Long lines of red welts criss-crossed Fox’s skin. Dana gasped behind him.

“Oh, my God.” She began crying again, but tried her hardest to stay in control. What had they done to him? From the faint scars that were closed and healed, she could tell that this was not the first time. How long had they been doing this to him? She turned to the director. “We are taking him out of here, you motherfucking bastard. And this hospital will be swarming with police by tomorrow, I guarantee.”

Alex rubbed the unopened skin of Fox’s neck. “Fox, I know it hurts, but you’re gonna have to stand up for me.”

“No, please, let me lay here, just a little longer, please. Don’t need to hit me again. Wasn’t bad. Know I ruined the wedding, but I hurt for that. Please, nomore.”

Alex let one unseen tear run down his cheek, quickly flicking it with his finger. The bastard who did this to Fox would pay, pay with his life. He had a pretty good idea whose life that would be, too.

Alex ran his finger’s through Fox’s hair. “C’mon, Fox. You have to get up now.”

The voices, the hands, the words, just wouldn’t go away. He couldn’t take it anymore. Had to get up, it said. Had to. No matter how much pain he felt, no matter how scared he was, no matter how much those voices just wanted to hurt him. Had to get up. “Okay.” He gave up. All hope lost, he slowly stood on his feet, wincing and sobbing and hissing from the pain. The jacket fell as he stood, freeing his hands. On wobbly legs, Fox stood in front of Alex.

“Look at me, Fox.”

Ever so slowly, he lifted his head. Eyes used to the darkness focused on a familiar face. Alex’s face. A sad smile crept to his lips, as he leaped against Alex and hugged him tight. “Alex. What are you doing here?”

Alex pulled away slowly, keeping a smile on his lips. “We are here to take you to the wedding.”

Fox lowered his head. “I ruined the wedding.”

“No, no you didn’t. We had to wait for you. You are the best man, you know, and no wedding can be complete without its best man.”

Fox looked at Alex and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, thank Dana.”

Fox’s eyes lit up at that name. With the help of Alex, he slowly went out of the cell and towards Dana, who was fuming at the director.

“Dana.”

She turned at the sound of her name. A mixture of anger, sadness and joy overcame her. She put both hands against the back of Fox’s head and kissed his lips. “I’m so so sorry Fox. I will never let anybody do this to you again.”

“Not your fault, Dana. ‘S okay. Got you both now. Happy.” She kissed him again. “You are so good, Fox. Always so good.”

His heart lept at her words. Forgetting about the pain and darkness and being unloved, Fox said, “Isn’t there a wedding to go to?”
Dana laughed. “Not now, Fox. Soon. First you have to get those marks on your back looked at.”

Fox shivered. “Okay. Will you be there?”

“Of course. Both of us.”

He smiled. “Okay. ‘S go.”

Before they left, she shot the director another, nasty-cold look.

“Do you, Dana Katherine Scully, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband. . .”

Her eyes shimmered. “I do.”

“Do you, Alexander Krycek, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife. . .”

His eyes sparkled. “I do.”

The rings and vows were exchanged. The priest said, “I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Slowly, Alex lifted Dana’s veil, tears brimming in both their eyes. His lips met hers for a strong, loving kiss, and a crowd full of applause.

Tears of happiness streamed down Fox’s cheeks. His two best friends were married, and he couldn’t have been more overjoyed. The wounds carved along his back and legs were stitched and healed nicely. It only took three weeks, so they were still able to marry in May. He stared at his friends, content, for the first time in two years. Now, Alex and Dana would live together in a new apartment, which was adjacent to a smaller apartment where Fox would live. They understood that he could live on his own, but he still needed some comfort once in a while. So he would live near them, so they could see each other whenever they wanted to.

Fox sighed. The horrors of Dr. Anderson and the hospital were far behind him, locked away with the other memories of his past. Now, only the future lay ahead. He would get himself a little job, a few hobbies, and tend to caring for both apartments while his friends worked. And who knew. Maybe, someday soon, with the right paperwork, Fox could find out that he’s an uncle, and take care of the little baby that had the two best parents in the world. A bright, beautiful sun shone overhead, brightening all of his thoughts. New, warm and wonderful. His life’s road lay open ahead.

FIN 10/20/98